Chapter 5 Post

Listening without demand.

It is not always easy to be a listener.  We converse on an average of about 125 words per minute., but we think ahead and process a conversation at about 500 words per minute.  While we are talking to someone we are thinking ahead of a question we could ask or thinking about a comment we could make to keep the conversation going.
Now to imagine talking to someone about a topic that we don't agree on and we need to listen without demand.  You see conversations between people where this step is not being practiced, they might be interrupting each other, they might be saying "Wait a minute..." or "Give me a chance to talk..."
They would have to be willing to let the other one go first, or to have the last word.

Attentiveness

If someone you are talking to has an opposing viewpoint from yours, you need to engage your 500 words per minute, you need to be willing to pay attention.  If your points of context don't match theirs closely, the conversation and dialogue won't make sense, you will see this happening when someone asks someone else"Wait-are you even listening to me?"  That is a signal that the conversation has become one sided and someone is not paying attention, they are just waiting for their turn to talk or even worse, their turn to end the conversation because they are done paying attention.

Diaologic Negotiation

Conversation and dialogue is changing towards new ideas.  It could involve a change of opinion, or just a new insight on a formerly held perception.  You have to be willing to listen and pay attention to reach this phase of negotiation.  The idea that you hold and the other person holds might not be the same, but there is a willingness to listen and be open to possibilities.  I think the best example of this would be hearing "I hadn't ever thought of that..." or "I hadn't ever looked at it that way." Those types of statements don't necessarily mean that you have been swayed from your previously held viewpoint, but they do show that you are open to the dialogue and are willing to think more on the topic and be self reflective.