In chapter 7, one strategy that is important to consider when
developing ways to maintain a strong interpersonal relationship is distance. "Distance calls us to nourish a
relationship that is historically appropriate, not necessarily the definition
of relationship that we demand of the Other or want for ourselves"
(p.126). I think that this point is especially important when looking at people who are just developing interpersonal relationships. It steers people to focus on the interactions of the relationship up to that point, instead of what they want the relationship to be, because historically appropriate means appropriate to the history in that relationship, with that person. It stresses the point that you can't force interpersonal communication or interpersonal closeness if that isn't the history you have with someone, and that it is important to not misuse interpersonal skills to create a situation that unwilling will decrease distance between people.
"Buber would suggest that such a move dishonors the Other, missing the uniqueness of contribution that the Other can bring to the table of conversation. When you get too far out in front of yourself, you lose perspective on what you do not know."(p.124) This leads into the fact that communication
awareness is necessary when establishing interpersonal relationships. If you aren't aware of the communication that is going on within the relationship because you are too focused on where you want the relationship to go, you can miss the information or miss interpret the history of the relationship. A good example of this is when you meet someone new and you start spending time with them, hanging out as friends, yet because they want things to be more than friends they try to change the dynamics of the interpersonal relationship by asking you out. Clearly missing all the history that friendship is all that you were looking for, because they were too far out in front of themselves they were misreading or reading farther into things than they should have. Do you think that it is a reduction in distance due to getting closer or the lack of communication awareness that contributes more to this unclear space?
Jona, really great post overall, especially with the example given regarding distance in interpersonal communication. Answering your question though, I feel it's a mixture between the two. The more time you spend with someone, the more chances of chemistry developing as well as getting to know what you like about them. Physical attraction is one thing, but when both mutually agree to maintain the same distance and have equal interest in developing that relationship, then it's assumed there's a connection.
ReplyDeleteIt's also evident that maybe the person isn't effective at reading nonverbal cues that might contradict a relationship beyond friends. Otherwise, the other person was giving mixed signals. Nonetheless, it's critical to understand what you want out of a relationship and make sure the Other knows at the right time. That's where responsibility comes into play and affects how the relationship continues to play out.